Be mindlessly happy

Work at uss bsg this week has been nothing but great. Too bad the bestest shift has ended yesterday with the can-wake-up-at-1pm-and-still-be-on-time and the free midnight cab home. The incessent hilarious things that happens during work, what more can I ask for. I haven’t been regretful and even if I do resent the job, the feeling will only come and go because good > bad.

It’s better when people are simple and less complex because you don’t have so much to deal with and that even if they are not, you don’t have to fret about trying to read them as you would in school. And then you’ll sit around the table and talk and eat and not worry about your future that will come by. It puts your mind off things and gives you momentary comfort while you laugh about the less significant things in life and feel a sense of self gratification that you’ve struggled to find all these while only to realise that it is not beyond your reach.

Then during the days that you do not have to spend in the supposedly tiresome job, you’ll get to laze and bum around in your comfortable house and lay on the couch till you have the inclination to move your ass and get something more fruitful done than just holding a soft cushion in your hands. And then you’ll snap out of the I’m-in-my-own-world-live-me-alone-i-wna-bite-you perspective and be a much more amiable person.

Technology

I think that it is screwing with people’s life. Well, in both a good and bad way. I mean connection and communication was personal and can be. But now, more than ever, it has lost its fulfilment because people are evolving into more mechinal and less emotive creatures who seldom mean what they say. They only speak cordially because it is expected of them instead of doing it with a hearted will. And to be polite, they’ll reply with a modernistic lingo (lol, [:, hehe, haha, rofl, etc.) even while having disinterest. Also, this technology has spurred the further evolution of our sapien identity, transforming every individual into those who would invest artifical meaning in cyphers which indeed, mean nothing. Like when someone goes offline once you come online, for more than once, ah there you go, people would then think that it is a delibrate action and contempt to ignore or avoid. I can spin on many more but I’ll stop here because I’m feeling so lethargic and because of work. Work was ok! But work (in a general sense) makes me feel like a cheap idiot, fuck 6,5/h, i work 5d/w is like what 800+, so fucking cheap. Ok, so now more than ever, i feel like studying, getting my degree, then get my masters, and do what i will do, hopefully.

Why?

Reasons in abundance, but none will ever be justifiable.

Sway what left right

You know when you’re annoyed, you just are. But sometimes, you can make-believe, and let everything around you be true as you wish it to be.

Quotebook

“Your flaws are beautiful. They’re what make you stand out. Don’t try to be normal, perfect, striving to be something or someone that you will never accomplish. Be annoying, be quirky, be different. In truth, it takes a hell of a lot more strength to resist, than to go along with the flow. Stray from the path. What anyone else thinks doesn’t matter. Let them be boring, let them be the same, as unnoticeable as the people around them. Wear flowers in your hair, mismatching socks, and thousands of multi-colored bracelets. Press all those damn buttons in the elevator, and piss off everyone around you. Have fun now, because there’s always plenty of time to be boring in the future.”

Andrea Chiang

“Everything we do is a choice. Oatmeal or cereal? Highway or side streets? Kiss her or keep her? We make choices and we live with the consequences. If someone gets hurt along the way, we ask for forgiveness. It’s the best anyone can do.”

Lee Pace

“I like to see people reunited, I like to see people run to each other, I like the kissing and the crying, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can’t tell fast enough, the ears that aren’t big enough, the eyes that can’t take in all of the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone.”

Jonathan Safran Foer

i can be sentimental

Went mj to play volleyball in the evening. Enjoyed myself. Then, I sat and thought of the times (sounds long right, actually not even a year yet) when I was training 3-4 times a week with those volleyball friends. I really miss them alot although we just met up like two weeks ago for bbq with lots of good food and good drinks and good game and good time. Then, we played childish games like making weird gestures and guessing what those actions were. And then everyone brought sweets to put into the unbreakable pinata with the strict survellience of the supposedly intimidating security guards. Fun please. I must say that training wasn’t fun when I was training because I felt shitty many of the times due to those yucky feelings of inadequacy, like you’re never good enough? But eventually I got it figured out that it doesn’t really matter how good/bad a player I was. I was vvvvvvv glad to be in this because I made friends that I can be happy with. Hopefully we’ll meet soon(i want to see janice too!), cny, steamboat!

Well this  might be weird to say but I miss my class (08A101). Weird right. I saw xioahui in school today and I realised that its been long since I’ve saw any of them and I kinda wna catch up, two years together, sure got some feeling (uhmmm ok exclude some people luh /p.s: i know im bitchy). People like huiling fuzzy tara edz brian freeway atiq benlian dale andrea lyn, even if I haven’t been the nicest or liked them the most or have them liked me the most, nostalgic you know, when you think. Lets do lunch/dinner sometime even tho our plan always 100% fail. It’s the thought that counts right. Soon soon.

Alot more people I miss leh…………. long list. You all, all think I unfeeling one right. No lor, I got heart, maybe some times heart abit black only, but you cut open, is red one, human red. I’m only corrupted on the outer layer la ok. I want to find back my friends, that I can tell anything and everything without them passing judgement on what I have to say and know that most of the time, I am just saying what I am saying in spite. I petty ma, need to rant. Human (Joan) nature. What to do? Yea I need to find some lost friends back. I found a few along the way, especially the one that was flushed down the drain/toiletbowl/sewage, even that was salvaged. But let things be what they are, if it is meant to be, it will be. Like cancer patient right. If got miracle, then the person live, if not, die. Like meredith mother, hiccup, and died. Fate right? Yeaa, but I am not a firm believer of fate, but I do believe that things happen because of fate. Maybe, it’s just the decision and actions we take, we don’t want to take ownership of the consequence, so we call it fate. So fate, yes, play your part and role.

Sorry if I never list you here and you think that you’re important to me. You are. It’s just floating in my mind and if you’re in my life, I wont miss you because I have you and tresure you alot alot alot ahaha, cheesy yet? Niceeeeeeeeee.

me time

thats kinda what i really need now. yea i’ve been bumming and stuff but it mainly revolves around sleeping, waking up, watching tv, eating. i have too much time that i have no time for myself to sit and think. at least today i got down to business and finished one book. actually, its not as mind boggling as i thought it would be. it just looks intimidating, maybe thats the point, to scare away people. i still have two more months (results said to be out on march7) to think of my course of study but its kinda already set. i had wanted to do this for four years and now, im even more sure than i was. ok tomorrow will be thinking day. weird right, i know.

zzz?

i have this sudden weird feeling of sadness and i have really have no idea why. i havent felt so sad for so long. must be bcoz of the (non existence) call, faster please……………………………………… desperation has turned into sadness

Very convenient indeed

(Weird and boring post, don’t read if bored, it will cause more bored-ness)

It is convenient isn’t it? To just lump everything together, everything you have ever done, good and bad, take it’s repercussion, and call it karma. Retribution sounds bad while karma sounds both (good bad). When karma is a bitch, it really is because it kicks you hard, in the ass, harder than you’ll ever imagine it to be. And when it’s on your side, you wouldn’t even stop to wonder why all good things on earth befall on us. So I’m saying that I have to be thankful and drive out those feelings of resentment at occassional moments. But retribution on the other hand, sounds almost evil. In my wasped perspective, karma should only kick you in your ass and you suffer. Retribution would suck balls because the worst things that happen to you don’t happen to you. It happens to the people around you, who are not supposed to be sufferable and yet the are, because of the repercussions of your actions, and then that would hurt, it would hurt like a deep long knife being plunged through the heart and the aftermath is not death, but a lifelong guilt and suffering.

So karma, come kick my ass, when I am deservingly so, and give me good things when I have been good. And let us leave retribution out of our very happy portrait.

Few days back

Cheese filling with digestive bitz base and strawberry topping yum. Next up, sugary donuts ( i hope!) or something fun and not utensil consuming, because I’m taking responsibility for my own dishes now.

This week, surprisingly has not been such a bore. But I’m still unemployed, not entirely unemployed, I just need that fucking call. Desperate timse call for desperate measures, I’m going to flip through classified ad tmrw, you know that thick chunk of newspaper that comes with the straits times that you’ll usually use to put durian shell/ make pinata/ wrap bday presents to make people pissed. Ya classified.

I feel like cycling tomorrow leh, but shopping in like afternoon (shopping is bad bad bad now bcoz no income) and by the time wake up is like 1-2pm le sigh. Sunday like crowded. And tell you something cool, I signed up for driving lessons and I heard that driving is just like dytona, I think they just try to convince me. But thing is I drive dytona always crash one :X haha fun? I like excited leh. Can driving be a sport that bur fats?!?!?! Ohhhhhhhh eh eh it does burn oil right! Haha, I just got amused. So you see how bored I am.

Days are just days. Just now I finally got down to doing somethin useful. I pack my certificates. I don’t know what useful leh. I just take all the mj give one for cg rep, vb rep, osvap, epps, max meridian i also put inside, stanchard i also put, then sec sch ndp, i also put. Relevant not ah? If you all know, leave comment ok! Don’t feel so much like a bum le. Moved my lazy ass today, to see lwt bcoz so freaking long nv see her. As pretty as ever! Zzz but lwt dont read my blog (bx call her read, I praise her) and I uploaded the picz from rach18 bday! Haa. And yesterday sent Julien off  ): super sad please, everyone cried, like sad. Miss her much!

OK I’M OFF TO WATCH PRIVATE PRACTICE! (: HA-HA, TURNS OUT TO BE THAT I’M REALLY, THE ONLY IDIOT!