You think you know them

But do you? I get very disheartened when I find out that the very people I though I knew turn out to not be what I expected them to be. And that you dont get some of the things they do, say or think. But then again that’s part and parcel of life because not everything can go your way because that would mean that the world is perfect, but we all know, it is a truth universally acknowledge that such an earth is not a place where utopia can exist. How morbidly depressing.

Empty vessels shouldn’t speak

Some people who don’t know a thing just really shoudn’t say a thing. Because you wil come across as immature and worst, stupid. Giving your lame opinions when none of them matter. That aside, it doesn’t even really make sense in the first place. I just hold your piece and well, speak your worth if you must. But ensure that it is worth.

But it is worth it (:

Rubbish moment with jeanfyx (: haha I miss pulling her hair and kicking her and shouting all sorts of profanities at her. I miss being angry at her and I miss stealing all her stuff and I miss framing her and watching her get scolded then later admitting, and getting a bigger scolding. I miss teaming up with her to rally against my parents. I miss all that and I wished I could be a kid again. I’ll bully her all over again, but I’ll be the only one who gets to bully her. If anyone else bully her, THEY DIE.

Blessing or not

I was spoonfed the bulk of my life, right up till meridian. My parents already taught me everything that could be learnt in primary school. In tk, they gave us everything. The only thing we had to do were to memorize model answers. And we all heard that it’ll be no different in mj, so we kinda swarmed there un-hesitantly. Now, first time in my life, need to use textbook and really need to push my brain to come out with something original, something great. It’s not that I’m unable to, it’s just going to take a longer time in comparison to those who had already exuded brilliance independently.

Bear in mind (scary leh bear)

And I have to also remember that I am already doing what I love. And again, not try so overtly hard to the extent that it becomes unnatural. It has to be spontaneous, simultaneous, and mostly importantly, I must be able to show who I am through it. Because then, even if I fail, then it really is all that I can give and I will most willingly, fail.

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Flee

I finally realize why I am the way I am. Why it takes so much for me to be happy and why I cannot remain happy for long. Because every time I’m feeling happy or having a tiny bit of joy, you don’t share it with me. You’ll belittle me or tell me that in comparison to someone else, it’s really, actually nothing. I mean what would it take for you to approve what I do, or for you to think that I am accomplished? When I become the president of singapore? But even then you’ll probably compare me to some other better presidents in the world.

It’s not that I ever seek your approval or subscribe to any of your values or for that matter, follow any of your nonsensical rules. But wouldn’t you think that a little verbal support would do some good? You keep putting her down, do you know that it is precisely because of everything you have said that have resulted in a kind of negativity that she has of herself? That she according to you, is not smart is not bright, or that she is nothing in your eyes. Do you know how great she actually is? How much potential she exudes? Do you even know she has a fucking job that pays so fucking well or that she has aced her project work? And no she wouldn’t tell you because all you know how to do is to belittle.

Even as I do nice things, you’ll never learn to appreciate any of it. It’s like I don’t mean a single fucking thing. I’m sure she feels the exact same way as I do because she has verbalized it so many times. But I always refused to see things from the way she always describes, because? I believe. But I don’t know how much longer I can continue because, I just don’t know if I want to anymore. Every single week I tell myself that yes this is what I want and it is worth it. And every week, I am proven wrong. Again and again and again. What is it that I am holding on to, is it this thin tiny thread or am I just problematizing things just as she always does? And really, our lives don’t revolve around you anymore. You can’t just go plan things without asking and then just expecting us to turn up miraculously because we are damn free and our lives revolves around you, yes I wished it did and I could rewind 15years back but boom please back to reality.

What perfect picture are we painting?

Blanket

It’s times like now where I wished I still had that someone to call and just talk about, nothing at all. I feel like shit now I don’t know why. I was perfectly fine like one hour ago, happy all.

Tinkkerlink

I realise that I cannot and should not carry all my old bad habits along with me. I mean I do look back and regret some of the things I did and wonder how things would have turned out if I hadn’t done some of the meanest things in the world that I did to people. And I’m just glad that I stopped myself from going much further than I would previously have.

Now I just need to think of how to become an angel _|_ hahahaha, fuck whatever la, don’t be demon can already (:

Anyway, very happy vacation plan is onz hehe! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW EXCITED I AM.

Nothing

I just realised that I know nothing at all. Nothing, and here I was thinking that I understood every single thing and that I knew myself best. Truth is, I don’t. I don’t know anything at all.