blank;empty

I really don’t know what I want these days but all I’m striving for is to do my best in an academic sense and not dwell into issues that I feel are so pressing that I feel that I have to deal with immediately. Why, because all those can wait, insignificant maybe. Or maybe not, gosh. Can’t wait for this to be over, it’s tormenting. Dead.

percentages

i spend 10 percent of my time being annoyed by people and the world around me. but mostly, the remaining 90 percent of the time, i spend getting annoyed by myself. do the math, so people dont really suck that much. i do. truth. light. deep understanding. done. win. but have to admit, these days, so calm, its getting really boring. maybe i should have went ahead with that plan and not backed out at the last min. then i’ll be having so much fun. but i’ll have so much to lose. fret not, i know my priorities and i got them straight. no plunging into anything right now although my emotions are screaming loudly to me right now. and when i feel slightly happy, or maybe even very happy, i kinda like to type with small letters. with lots of punctuations. and i try to write short sentence, to keep it sweet. school tomorrow. ew.

bang bang bang

haha shit, what was i thinking man. i take it back, i take all of it back. damn what was i thinking. think i was blinded by some sort of impulse or something weird that made me overwhelmed. im sorry dude, taking it all back. haha but it was fun, really fun, and great too. thanks and sorry.

Wholesome good/bad

Recently I’ve been feeling so wholesome, like my whole life is falling into place, and everything… With minimal (almost 0) bitching, being very nice to many people, even those belive I previously bore malice towards. And it’s not so hard to be nice, just cancel out potential mean thoughts. But these thoughts can’t be helped, it comes, and goes. Occasionally at least. But this feeling of happiness or content is making my mind blank, its like, my brain is a clean piece of untainted object, too angelic, that sometimes, it repells me. That sometimes, many times, I would rather revert to the period where I was feeling empty(slightly), inadequate, sad, tormented, because then, I had so much to fill myself up with rather than just human to human interaction. I had more time with myself, to make peace with the internal turmoil within. But would I rather? I have no idea, because when you are at one stage of circumstance you would always prefer the other one, because- quote cliche, the grass is always greener on the other side. And once you cross over, you’ll miss what you once had. Even if it was unpleasant, and ew. Ok, can’t wait for everything else to fall into place. Hope results will be fine, need to buy tys math.

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happy yet sad

feel so emotionally contented. finished watching season3 of ugly betty in just 5day. so you see, the break i had was too long and i just slacked off, so if my lit results are not any good, i’ll know why. because im already bad and zero effort, i hope i do well, sad infinity. and another thing that make me happy is that i found my p sch friend (quite a few) on fb and they didnt change a bit, it was mostly nice talking to all of them, especially those good looking ones. my hand still feels sore, from all the writing. i press very hard on my pen.

I am so afraid I don’t have critical depth :( but I’ll believe that I have, bcos.. eh, believing is um, important!

I love days like this

I liked yesterday, @starbucks. It was like studying wasn’t even a chore. I was reading stuff that I enjoyed reading, like it actually made sense and wasn’t that nerve wrecking and hair pulling or intensely punching inconclusive buttons that represents nothing. When I was tired I could look out of the glass windows and look at the cars whizzing past and the fountains especially at night were there were coulourful lights and stuff and it was cold yet warm bcoz of the drink and bcos the view was breathtaking bcos those words were so nice and so beautiful and it represents so much, and singular people. It was conclusively good but its a journey so long but it was good and I bought stuff which was both good and bad bcos I liked them and bcos I was spending unnecessary money, boo.

I always post post before lit paper, and the last was some week ago. Anyway I hope my fugly braces can go like soonish bcos I rly cant stand them, couldn’t stand them since the first day I wore them. And tmrw I’ll have to compare some 2book and write on 1book and should probably leave out poetry/drama/prose cos my marks always range .5-2/25, suck on that.

Haha X10

I know who facebook stalk!!!!!!!! Hehehehe, ok bye, math now, I suck at stats and pure killed. So my predicament now is pretty much screwed. But oh welz, what can I say but I’m sure that many people suck more that I do. (Yea sure!) Now you all know that I like to deceive myself, because it makes me feel better and more secure. And don’t you dare scorn at me bcoz the reason to why you fking people bitch abt everyone else is coz of your deep deep latent insecurties that is an intrinsic quality and innate nature within. Don’t argue. I’m right. Byeee

Good mood?

🙂

I liked tdy’s qns.

Doesn’t imply anything, sadly. If only I could do well in everything I liked.