All that I need

Solitude.

School felt torturous today although there aren’t much content lectures or even tutorials. Makes going to school a waste of time. But thankfully there’s friends for me to disturb and annoy. And I’m terribly sorry if I annoyed anyone, because I’m constantly living in my own world that revolves mostly around myself. Laughing and joking… It shouldn’t be the way at all. Just give me till this friday, I’ll find my direction by then.

Went to ecp afterall. And during the long journey there I was thinking about many things that’s been really bothering me and the most pertinent being A levels. I want to reach my goal, but I don’t exactly know how… Ahhh, give me friday, and by saturday, I’ll be going full force. I had so much time for myself just now that I sort out half my thoughts. Half more to go.

Long list of homework to complete. Undone tutorials, worksheets meant for e-learning unfilled, a blank mind with insufficient knowledge. Not going to just talk about it, action! It speaks louder than words.

?

Today I wrote prose and tomorrow I’ll have to finish my sub-standard Plath/Joyce essay. It’s always like this. Give me some spark, a miracle, if that is what I need. What sheer determination and hard work? Path, to where? To getting a job? Then what, work, then what, retire, then what, die, then the journey ends? I have no ideazxz what’s my motivation nowdays, something is lacking, don’t know what…

You wna tell me why life suck

Defeat isn’t an option, not for surgeons. We don’t back away from the table till the last breath long gone. Terminal’s a challenge. Life’s threatening what will get us out of bed in the morning. We’re not easily intimidated. We don’t flinch, we don’t back down and we certainly don’t surrender. Not at work anyway. ~Grey’s Anatomy

FILLED W RAGEXZXZ

SOME F-KING WORKERS ARE DOING SOME WEIRDASS WORK AND DIRTYING MY PRETTY YARD AND I’M SO ANNOYED BECAUSE I’M STILL HALF ASLEEP AND THEY CAUSED SUCH A F-KNG DIN. SO CAN YOU SEE HOW LIFE SUCKS LIKE A SUCKER DO BECAUSE OF PEOPLE? PEOPLE SUCK, THEY GENUINELY DO. FK THOSE ANNOYING PEOPLE. IT’S MY YARD.

Place: Airport

 

Fel’s flying off to melborne again! I think she’s flying of like now. And it’s Jocelyn’s birthday in like 4mins! Hehe my 6 year friend and my throughout the 4-years seating partner. Let’s celebrate all our birthdays at once ok?! So we went to popeyes for dinner and I love these weird deals they have like mash potato/ onion ring/ drumlet for just $2 with any purchase, nice, I like! Plus the super yummy muffin that Julien makes… She inspires me, but it’s just the inspiration. I get insipred easily. Open shop k! I everyday go, don’t got to US alrd (:

And before that I was studying/doing hw in the library and I kinda like it. It’s definintely better than if I went home. I would have just lay down on my bed and sleep till 7 where I will drag my lazy ass out of the house to meet island. Was with some classmates at first then they left then cui shan and maple appeared, then serene appeared. Make my life more interesting hehe! And I’m seeing the vb people again tomorrow zzzz! Friendly on a saturday. I’m already not v smart, if I don’t do my hw or don’t do revision, what wil become of me?

I wonder how I survived band where every single saturday was wasted(i see it as wasted now, but then, I didn’t know the value of a saturday!) from 9-6. Reaching school way before 9 because we’re not allowed to be late because late = punishment. And practices will always drag and over run and we will leave school at 7. Then if we decided to have dinner at parkway or video world, more time gone. Bye bye saturday… But, I truely enjoyed those days. So nostalgic right? Don’t think that anyone of you will get what I’m saying or feel what I felt.

Back-tracking into the day, I did track trials and I sucked big time. My legs felt wobbly after the 300m mark and my timing suck. Ew, I’m so disgusted. That’s why I’m reluctant to do trials, I knew this would happen! Ya wtv, I’m behaving like Othello now, out to prove Desdemona wrong, leaving her no space for redemption. Joke la. And my standing broad jump also another joke. Jump jump jump still joke distance. Not like any of these is important or even significant, but these tiny things and happenings constitutes my life and ya da ya da da.

Can we jump back to the stupid bus ride home fromt the airport!? I took the stupid 24 home, but I forgot that it was alrd 11+++. The stupid Jln Pelatok alley was dark and scary and filled with cats and scary sounds and… Plus it was late and I didn’t rly want to take mrt because I’ll be too lazy to walk home from the station so I’ll prolly call my dad to pick me, which was not very nice since it was so late. I hate creepy alleys. Oh oh and the stupid alley. I remembered walking with lwt there once, I thnk 3yrs ago. Then this basketzxz bird decided to shit on me. And it’s all hs fault because I think we were walking to her sunbird house.

Ok, it’s getting late, and I think I’m sleepy because my eyelids are drooping. Good night.

Musings on a hot day

Harry Potter!

I was cruising my account and came across this. I think the ‘now’ picture is suppose to be uglier. But how does harry potter being ugly affect my life? Just thought that it was interesting!

Today was a very mundane day for me. I was trying out my new persona and I felt v v v v restricted. I had so much to say, so much to comment on. But I just kept it all to myself. Just shut up like the way I wanted myself to.

Went to visit the dentist now and my teeth super hurts. Not like it’ll deter me from eating anyway. I’ll eat all the same. And I super like rubber bands!!!!! I think that they are fun. And I also think that by surpressing my thoughts, I’m becoming weirder second by second, minute by minute, day by day. And soon, I’ll be a complete weird ass.

Match again tomorrow again srjc. I hope that we can win so that we can proceed on to the top 8. Something to add! Just yesterday some of us were heading for frolick and we were discussing about the win over pjc and how we had to win srjc. So being typical Joan, she went: WE CNFM MUST WIN SRJC!!! *with a tone of stark determination*. And at this very moment, an srjc vb person coincidentally walked by. Gosh~

And I’m highly amused by pore packs. I just put one on my nose and now I feel like I have a new nose!!!!! I have found a new love. (: And sleep now because I can’t bring my lazy ass to do any work, at all. So much for principal’s talk this morning. I’m supposed to be motivated…

Goodnight.

Protected: This is what I’m going to do ( pw on lj/ get from me directly)

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For tomorrow,

Best of luck you annoying brat!

And although I always claim to hate you, I truely don’t (: And when I say that your playing and singing sucks, I don’t actually mean it (well sometimes I do, esp when I’m sleeping and you’re singing!) But now is the 4 years add uo that you’ve put so much painstaking effort and dealt with scolding from m&d, tci… and whatever. So go rock that hall you weird pianist and make sure all that you’ve annoyed me for comes into use. Otherwise, you would have annoyed me in vain.

Anyway! Just came back from Aunt’s house and she returned from Japan yesterday! So we’re having like yummy goodies to eat now, and grandma’s birthday just now too, cake was awesome, and school tmrw, urgh, so dreading it, like totally. Goodnight!

Time for a change!

Yesterday I was talking to a long time no talk friend.

J: Life sucks la

F: Thats what I usually say not you leh

F: What happen to you

Maybe when F wasn’t serious or whatever la, but nowdays I rly feel v sian about everything. I was reading my posts that are here so far and also some of the post at lj and bs. It seems to lack some form of happiness or whatever you call it. It’s just that there is this lack of… something, I rly have no idea what. I feel like something is missing, but I rly don’t know what. It’s just as if nothing is missing.

So, some happy pictures to cheer myself up!

Thoughts

I suddenly feel like going East Coast very very much. It brings back all sorts of memories, with my sec sch friends, both class mates from 1/2E and 3/4F, band batch mates, some of A101. All the skating and cycling and eating and everything, vague but stinging. Eating like pigs with bx and lwt, and nicole and lyn, skating from end to ends esp with band people like zhiyi and jo and many more… during the skating craze period. And runs to ecp, I like. I hope that tmrw I get up early enough to jog there.

But idk why my ankle like pain. Damn sian, must be all the bad karma accumulated. So an advice to you people and most importantly, myself: stop being so mean and what not. But sometimes I really not thinking of anything mean of what, but people just assume that I do. Like when I stone, and stare blankly into space, then people will think I have mean thoughts, or I judging people. Joke leh, damn sian! Not that it matters, just that sian only. But rly, nowdays I alot nicer alrd (I think that to myself la) cos I make a conscious effort to not shoot everything that comes to mind… But back to ankle, wear ankle guard settle le, I hv no idea why. I rly wna go east coast tmrw. It’s just calling out

I feel morbidly depressed over everything that is academically related. Last year, at least I don’t feel that way because I nv put in any/much effort. But this year, I make a great effort to do all my tutorials and not sleep in lectures. I feel that my pool of knowledge is growing, but my results, are not showing. And time is working against me because I need to pull up my results in such a short span of time. I don’t want to be a mediocre student… But now, I’m barely one. And just now they were testing on the train, and I didn’t even have a single answer to their simple general questions. How? And now although I want to work hard, it’s so hard to. I don’t even have the strength and determination to pull myself up to do hw/revision.

Life… What reason? Lucky there’s still fun and joy and people I like around.