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That Green-Eyed Monster

I think I get jealous damn easily. For nothing. I also think that I am overtly sensitive in such a way that I over analyse what a small and insignificant thing might mean. This issues come from where one. Since long time already like that, cannot be the case.

I need to make a major decision and I need to talk it out ): not just to the same few people. I hope friday comes true and I can talk to two more people and get a clearer picture on how and what my journey will be. I AM FUCKING CONFUSED

Is it normal I feel like bailing

It isn’t purposeful. I’m not insercure, at least I don’t think I am. But the thing is, I always feel like bailing. And there is no explanation for it. But it has kinda always been the case? Actually no. I don’t know. I just don’t want to open my heart to let it be stabbed repeatedly. But while I sit here saying that I don’t want to open my heart, I already have. I think that’s kinda why I feel like bailing. Because I don’t think I can stand any of it being taken away. Because I don’t want to expose all my flaws and be eternally judged. But what am I saying, because I already have, for I have taken myself out of my cold hard shell.

What???????

Haha the last post was so uncalled for. I baffle myself sometimes. Anyway, the worst week is now over and its recess week yay! Yes studying and all, but lots and lots of dates coming up (: can’t wait.

Late night again sigh?

I suddenly like got reminded of like passé composé. Like sad only always like that one ): I cringing now. Imagine if everything didn’t happen the way it shouldn’t. I’ll still be calling you up late in the night and having stupid conversations about nothing at all. Yes people get over stuff and let go and all, yes I know and it’s all over and let(ed). Sigh?

(:

I like how almost no one knows about this blog

I wished I was an emo kid

Now I damn not emo. Not fun one. When emo, like I talk deep deep and think about life issues and I am so much more a person. When I’m happy or just nonchalant, I’m just like what I am now, shallow. But please, people around me, stay where you are ok, don’t come screw around and break my heart. I don’t mind being shallow.

The support I need

If I’m really going to do it, I need to start being alot less cynical about alot more things and I also need the people around me to be supportive. If I were a nice person, I don’t think I’ll be torn at all. I think this is kinda why I’ve been feeling like shit for the past idk how long. What the fuck do I want?

I can’t even decide what nail colour I want. Talk about life decision? I feel like tearing up my heart now. Is this what it feels like to be 20? Because then, I do not want any of it. But I don’t get a choice, do I? Unless I die or something. I wished sometimes that I could see things with more clarity.

If you can look into the seeds of time, and say which grain will grow and which will not, speak then to me, who neither beg nor fear, your favours nor your hate.

I miss Macbeth. And whenever I do lit, I feel really really happy. I have no idea why, but I do. Maybe it’s because words are so beautiful

Today is Thursday, Making Yesterday Wednesday

I had a horrible day and I have no idea why. I seriously think that it is pms, but my pms has never been this bad. It got worst during dinner when someone dipped her spoon into my food for god knows what reason. I would not be this irritated usually but I was. Then being the incredibly petty person that I am, I got extremely annoyed with this girl who had to sit beside me (oh you see, I recently bear some abhorence towards her). And so, my night was spoiled. Now you get why I attributed my sucky day to pms? Because if I didn’t, it would just mean that I have a sucky character.

I guess this is what you have to contend with when you stay in hall and make friends. You have to tolerate and put up with people you don’t like that much, all in the name of- we are living together. Something that I am not yet accustomed to because I’m kinda  more say it in your face fuck you I hate you kind of person. Now? I’m morphing into a hypocrite. Not so much so, actually I just try to ignore whoever annoys me. But then, I’ll be called a bitch. Hypocrite, bitch, whatever la ok. You be angel la k, I let you, tsk judgemental world.

But at least most of the people here are at least bearable and I even like some of them. And it is these people that make my day so much better. A simple text from my new found friend just brightened up my day because I got reminded of all the good things that are coming up like Friday and Sunday.

Ok really need to hit the books 0034, time for french. I haven’t touched it in the longest time, wish me luck. Goodnight people, may you have a good day (:

This Year

I need to make sure that I love all my friends especially my new friends. Old friends, they’re definitely there and there to stay and I already love them with all my heart. I hope that I don’t do anything stupid.

I mean this is just for me but I’ve a v bad track record with best friends. Like you know after you’ve gotten too close to someone you’ll realise all their imperfections and judge them for all their flaws instead of accepting them for who they are. I’ve ditched so many of them and I have to make sure it doesn’t ever happen ever again otherwise I’ll just hate myself for life.

Maybe that’s why I’ve been so reluctant to open my heart and now then I finally have, there is so much to contend with. Because I don’t just give a nonchalant face anymore, I give my heart. K so goal for the year, make friends not foes. And less drama please