Compensatory effects

I think I overcompensate for my lack of energy by appearing to be too energetic. Truth is, I’m tired and overwhelmed. My exterior self doesn’t correspond with my internal one. But if I don’t put up such a front, I know I will just crumble and break apart. So I’m only doing this to ensure that I stay alive. Even if it gets tiring sometimes. And I think that it makes people happy, when you make yourself seem less like an intellect. Plus if I don’t smile I look like I’ll eat someone up. So it’s just what I have to do, if I care.

First time overwhelmed

I’ve never understood the meaning of overwhelmed until this week. I think I went crazy, momentarily. There is just so much to deal with and I cannot complain because I put myself in this position and signed up for all these shit. I have five sports now, and three committees. It’s crazy. On top of that, in two weeks, I have four deadlines. This is what’s driving me crazy. I am overwhelmed. I thought I was depressed, but no, I could still be happy from time to time, tiny moments, but mostly, I’m not. I honestly can’t wait for this whole thing to be over. It’s such a dread.

But underneath all these, I know that I can do it and I will live past this shit phrase.