We can do no great things; only small things with great love.

I forgot how to love. And if I had love, I would have done small things. I might not be able to do great things, but I think that I am capable of doing small things with great love. This year, I forgot.

Along the way, I forgot how to love. I closed my heart, I didn’t want to love anymore. I stopped caring. I stopped caring because it was tiring. Too tiring. My heart was tired, my soul was drained. I gave unconditional love for one whole year, one whole season. It showed through our team’s camaraderie, the bond we shared, and us clinching the championships. But I was sick and I couldn’t go on. I loved but I stopped loving.

I was selfish. I wanted love that was requited. I couldn’t love without being loved. I wanted to be loved. And so this year I stopped loving, because no one loved me. I felt that I was alone, that I was in this by myself. I couldn’t go on. So I stopped. I will only love when I am loved. I found love someplace else, and I gave my heart to it. I played to my heart’s content and gave my everything to them. I was happy and I felt warm; but a part of me felt empty, a lingering void.

I was selfish. My team couldn’t give me love this year. I couldn’t better myself. I couldn’t grow. I hated the captain. I didn’t like my team. I couldn’t be happy. I was preoccupied with what the team couldn’t give me. I forgot about what I could do. The little things, the small things, that I could have done with great love, if I wasn’t preoccupied with what I couldn’t do.

I forgot. I forgot how the people before me have loved me unconditionally. Nurtured me to become the person, the player I am today. Those who believed in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself. I forgot how I got here. I forgot how to love. And I am deservingly punished with this empty and lingering void that will stay within me for a very very very long time.

This is a harsh lesson that I will always remember. And I will eternally remember this mistake I made. It won’t be easy giving love unconditionally but I will move forward humbly and learn to do things with great love.