Protected: Fuck you jealousy

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Almost end sem?

The semester is coming to an end, well almost. One university academic year over just like that, so damn fast, don’t you think?

Heading home right now and yes I miss my home.

I don’t get you

You baffle me.

Rock

This is harder than I thought it would be. I was just sitting here thinking that everything could just come out from my head. But no, I realised that there are so many things that I don’t know and as I clicked and read and clicked and read, I grew more and more interersted and while I would usually slump into a little lump and reward myself with a nap with every 1000 brain cells used, this time, I did not for I wanted to know more. It this what it is?

Smarty Joan

I damn smart never bring home my specs, how to do reading. Then while I was waiting for the bus I realised that I had forgotten my wallet. How smart urghhh life sucks I brought readings home but I can’t see a thing. Smarty!

And I wished I could be here more so that you can at least feel like there is someone who cares. I mean I think that you’re over analysing everything but I just wished that I was here with you and for you, even for the smallest and most minute things.

After mid semester

Urgh I don’t know if I screwed up my lit midterms. I mean I didn’t finish my essay and I hope that I’m not out of point. I still got phobia of doing unseen. The half mark and the two mark phobia. Like where got people so low one. But should be fine la hopefully I think my analysis made sense la and I think (fervently hope) I learnt how to do lit properly already.

K time to start on social work readings and then I can do my written assignment properly. 35%, better do properly, sound deep deep, make pretty pretty diagrams, draw nice figures. Developmental project also another 25% . Start on lit essay soon too.

Urgh

Damn annoyed. I got rudely awakened by a call from work, telling me that I’m scheduled. Fuck I never even give availibility why get scheduled. I really think I should quit soon

And everyone is just getting on my nerves, I swear, it is not pms. They are just really annoying. One keeps shouting at the maid, the other is just being a stupid bitch with no aims and aspirations, and the last one is simply ungrateful.

Urghhhhhh and I have assignments to complete and I dont want to fucking step out, not even for tybm. Urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Long time no jog

Finally dragged my lazy feet and lazy ass out of my damn comfy home (: but I damn humji to do ecp route because now damn dark scared kena rape so I just ran expo/ite route yay me. It felt so good. It felt as though I was living two years back where I’ll be damn freaking on about jogging, x3 a week, no kidding one.

Hope I can sustain this, and um bring it to nus? But abit hard, nus all the hills and mountains quite turn off leh, try la. Got determination is success. Weekends I try do ecp, like pretty I miss the breeze and the pretty flowers, and most of all, smelling like crap amidst the awesome nature.

What is it suppose to be?

Is it supposed to be this tiring?  Because this is getting damn hard and I really don’t know how long more I can last.

Eusoff Hall

Yellow yellow dirty fellow.

I never thought I could be so attached to something so yellow and something that I initially abhored. I really dreaded hall in the first semester. Well everyone was irritable and the weather was horrible.

It’s really funny how change works. It feels, like home. I mean, I would really miss my parents and my sister because I only get to see them on weekends and all. But I don’t know, I feel like I could have a family here (no carnal connotations).

I don’t know, I really don’t know what is keeping me and making me want to stay. Maybe it was the ihg thing where I got to be really stupid with eve screaming profanities and insults at all the other halls and watching people stare at us in amusement. Or the gruelling trainings that allowed me to grow so much more as a character (don’t ask me how). Or the emotional high when we eventually won our matches, one by one, even as we didn’t have that much a chance to exhibit our true potential.

But I think that what I want to keep most is the friends that I made. I don’t know why but since ihg draw to a close, I seem to be more detached from everthing or everyone (bad, bad, bad) or something along that general line. Camille posted some photo ‘Enjoy yourself. These are going to be the good old days you’re going to miss in the years ahead’, and I suppose, it really struck a chord in me.

In spite of the regular bitching and complaining about the minor flaws of my neighbours (I’m sorry, I acknowledge now that I’m a bitch), I think that it’s going to be somthing that I’ll hold on to. It’ll just be like the friends I made in tkband, like the friends I’ve made in tk, and like those I made in mj. I mean I’ve made some pretty good friends here and even as my outward manifestation of self doesn’t seem to portray how much I like them, I really do, sincerely. I’m not good with words or spewing my feelings or talking about deep heart issues, the closest thing I am to any of those is gossiping. Even that, I seldom do anymore (seldom in contrast to the past).

So I don’t know. The entire idea and notion about not staying next year just makes my heart sad. Because I think it would then mean that I won’t be as close to these people whom I know that I’ll have a really big chance loving. Truth is, I already love (not in a peverse sense, but in a more friendly way) some of them, even as the time we know each other is like just what, <1year? I mean, I don’t easily open my heart to people, much less tell them the worst thing that happened in my life. But the funny thing is, I found that I did. While it may not be enough, it’s all that I know how to.

So yes, I don’t know, but I think that I might be in love with hall. Or maybe, it’s the suppers that taste so damn good.