Holiday madness

I think I’m going for so many trainings now because I’ll be misssing so many of them during my >2wk break!!!!!!!!!!! It’s so awesome I can’t wait hahaha. Flying in a week or so super psyched. But trainings are really horrible. I sometimes wished I was the star player so that I need not even try to be outstanding, I will just shine. But I can just continue to have fat hopes because my muscles are calling out in agony right now. I think I was much fitter in jc because I ran almost everyday and I was invincible. At least I thought I was. I know now that I was obviously deluded, but that’s kinda not the point.

I think I’m quite excited for ihg? Haha like I wna see whats its all about even if I wont be able to play at all (k joan dont lie train so fking hard then dont get to play fyl) but really hahaha like exciting. I want Eusoff to win and I feel like a kid because I feel like winning. Like you know you know? It just feels like tkband all over again like the champions things like must continue being champions thing? Like even if I play a tiny role I will still feel v happy?

K the end, cant wait for Xmas and trip 🙂

Open close open close close open

I think that I’m about to open my heart to the world again now that it’s been sufficiently healed. One thing I cannot understand is that how some people can keep their heart open forever. At some point in time, any point, your heart would be closed to the nuiances of the world. So how do they keep it open all the time?

Don’t you think that the heart is a very fragile object? Like anyone can just take it and throw it against the wall as long as you will them to? That’s the problem with opening it. You’ll just get destroyed over and over and over again unitl come a time you wonder why you even allow yourself to recover. Because it really seem like each time you recover, and open your heart, it will be smashed again by its perpertrators.

But that is in itself, not a reason to lose faith. It only implies that trusting people is more difficult and takes a longer time. Especially if you already have people you know are going to stay. They are the benchmark and everyone else have to reach it. And if they don’t, you’ll just think that they’re not worthy. But truth is, they weren’t really given a chance at all.

I need to learn how to open my heart and protect it at the same time. I always had the concept that if you closed your heart, you can never be hurt, regardless by friends, by lovers. Sounds like the ultimate plan to be un-hurt right. But pain is good, because it makes you feel alive and the emotions all feel so intense and real. Best is the emotional manifestation of pain that separates itself from the physical one. So again, its about balance?

Yea, so go balance your life.