This Very Reason -

A shot

threefry — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 16:05:04 +0000

Yes?

I’ll only do it if it makes me happy. I don’t want to put myself through any misery and if there’s any inkling of that, I’ll be out, immediately.

Whattttttttt

threefry — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 18:46:34 +0000

I would be sad and depressed if the only people I had throughout my life were these. We’re worlds apart and have departing values making it so hard. And sometimes you’ll just wna scream fuck off but you realize that you’re no longer an adolescent and your actions have repercussions. So sometimes, I’ll miss the overly straightforward me, who will outrightly and blatantly ask the people I detest to fuck off, make them cry, and ostracize them. But I’m better than that now, so no.

Compensatory effects

threefry — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 18:09:50 +0000

I think I overcompensate for my lack of energy by appearing to be too energetic. Truth is, I’m tired and overwhelmed. My exterior self doesn’t correspond with my internal one. But if I don’t put up such a front, I know I will just crumble and break apart. So I’m only doing this to ensure that I stay alive. Even if it gets tiring sometimes. And I think that it makes people happy, when you make yourself seem less like an intellect. Plus if I don’t smile I look like I’ll eat someone up. So it’s just what I have to do, if I care.

First time overwhelmed

threefry — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 19:46:29 +0000

I’ve never understood the meaning of overwhelmed until this week. I think I went crazy, momentarily. There is just so much to deal with and I cannot complain because I put myself in this position and signed up for all these shit. I have five sports now, and three committees. It’s crazy. On top of that, in two weeks, I have four deadlines. This is what’s driving me crazy. I am overwhelmed. I thought I was depressed, but no, I could still be happy from time to time, tiny moments, but mostly, I’m not. I honestly can’t wait for this whole thing to be over. It’s such a dread.

But underneath all these, I know that I can do it and I will live past this shit phrase.

When you need it

threefry — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 18:25:02 +0000

When I’m too disgustingly happy, I’ll remind myself of pain. And all I have to do, is to remember what we lost. It makes me feel real.

Reasons

threefry — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 16:02:59 +0000

I mean like, if you get too close to someone, don’t you think that if something happened, anything, that your whole world would come crumbling down along with it? I mean opening your heart is one thing, and keeping it simple is another. That’s something I learnt along the way.

Anyway, met half of island today at jocelyn’s utown room. The view is really wow, and Julien’s cupcakes and lemon bars mmmm yum. I don’t know what I have done to deserve friends like these but you know I’m just really glad I have them. Sometimes not having expectations will do you good because then you will never be dissapointed. But actually no expectations is a lie. You just say you don’t expect, but actually in your heart is expect something one, just don’t want to say out only. It’s just a way to protect yourself from getting hurt I suppose. But you still get hurt anyway. So I don’t really know why we bother with those lies. Perhaps we lie to make ourselves feel better.

Again, under promise and over deliver. Because I really don’t like it when people say something and then subsequently not keep to their word. In my head will just chant fuck off non stop.

It’s Hongkong again, but the best time ever.

threefry — Sat, 23 Jul 2011 02:05:58 +0000

Early morning flight to Hongkong and this girl had no sleep + reeked of alcohol. You mix crazy sleepless high and you’ll get a cute Rachel. I swear, she was soooooooooooooo funny. You see her kok face want to laugh already. So the whole plane ride was loud, nonsensical and well, for us to catch up on some sleep, but no, the seats were small and uncomfortable and aiya, it was just budget.

And this was our house for 5 days, got the metal grill all, DAMN TVB DRAMA, I LIKE (:

(She map reading champion, not kidding. Navigated her way through the streets like a pro. And last time geog elect y’all remember? She always do well one. Nah, map reader for you)

Hit the streets the moment we touch down and we spent so damn much on the first day already. Thank god we had Rachel who knew her way around so well and all the secret places that no one else know, WE KNOW! Hahaha, damn cheap thrill. We bumped into some of our friends there, then like will ask, eh so how got buy a lot of thins anot? Then standard answer all no. Then we will nod our head and empathise and when they turn around we will smile damn widely, kp and say yest! We know you don’t know . Haha damn cheap thrill, I happy <:

The food was so so so good. Ok I exaggerate, it was good. Like Singapore actually also can find comparable ones if you want but seriously, the food there can go boomz. Dimsum was yum so was the fried hongkong noodles and the fried dumplings, and the mushrooms during the korean bbq and the charsiew rice, omg I swear, it was heaven. The yoshinoya there got this steamboat thing which was omg………. Like freaking awesome, the soup base damn nice. Then like cool one, cos like actually the soup damn little, then after it boil, the soup rise to the brim leh! Happy, talk about food sure happy one.

Shopping at the outlet stores and going into Disneyland only in the afternoon with big bags small bags. But Disneyland was hahahaha epic? We did shows in Disney, not so much the rides. And the shows were damn freaking good because it was so magical and there were princesses and mulan and tarzan and lionking. Like every magical symbol from our childhood was there and it was just, happiness along the way. But of course, the whole place was flooded with tiongs and they were really really rude and loud. The kepy jostling and all, annoying, but we annoy them back. Yay! Ok la we quite annoying also, screaming everywhere around the park. Even at the small small world thing. And omg hahahaha the doll, shame shame, can see underwear HAHAHAHAHA ok I really damn cheap thrill.

This holiday, going to be over so damn soon

threefry — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 16:23:45 +0000

Here we are, two more weeks of holiday before school officially begins. Happy or sad I also don’t know. So one whole year of university down. Two/three more years to go. It’s damn freaking fast how time pass you by don’t you think? I was excited for school to start again but now I feel scared. I fear that I don’t do well because honestly, I’m not ready for the big big world. I feel like a kid. And some of the things I do make me feel like I’m really a kid. Like I still hate people for no reason at all, like just cos I don’t like their face. This hasn’t changed sinced secondary school, how mature right. You might think hate is too strong a word. Well I think so too, then how? Suck thumb lor.

So I’ve been busying myself with Eusoff orientation. My friends think that it’s so ironic that I’m programming a camp, or that karma bites, whatever and however you wna see it. I just wasn’t that fond of camps and those superficial relations, if you get what I mean. Cynical people will see it that way, and the simple minded would disgree. The nonchalant would just mmmm not give a damn and say fuck it~~~~? But regardless, it was all in all a good experience.

I found many things this holiday. I think the most important one; myself. We sometimes lose track of what we want in life. I’m not saying that I am absolutely certain of what I want out of my life. I mean I still want to open a small cafe someday, I still want to write a novel or some sort someday, but what I realised is that these things change alond the way. Nothing is as fixated as it appears to be because as long as you believe, it will be true. So, change your beliefs. But I shit you not, it’s hard. I never imagined myself to be a social work major. My parents didn’t too. I’m not some noble shit who wants to save the world and cries when a leaf fall. In fact I’m quite the opposite. This is my leap of faith, and for the first time my heart spoke to me. This might sound like bullshit but I’m serious. While my brain went oi wtf you thinking, my heart was like yes go for it. And as cliche as it might sound, I followed my heart. I want to do so many things and this is really what I enjoy. When I read my materials, they speak to me. Maybe this is what numbers mean to a mathematician, or what ionic bonds are to a chemist (ahhh go think of your own egs la) but this is what it is to me. Right now, I feel like I could do this forever. I hope I never eat my words, even if I am ever challenged by whatever shit that will come my way.

Next two summers will be quite morbid, yet exciting. Attachments attachments attachments. That’s why I especially treasure this summer.

I went on two trips, ownself pay so damn freaking broke now. First was to phuket with the volley girls and the second was to hongkong with Rachel and Hweesan. You know we’ve known each other for 8 years and this is the first time we’re going on a trip together. How odd right, I know. I hope that there’s more to come because the company is really really awesome. Apart from the barbaric things we do like chiding the tiongs for jostling and ayeking the kids for being impatient, it really was, I don’t know, I can’t find a word to describe it. It was so easy, I didn’t even have to try. And I’m so glad that I have these close friends by me. Our relationship is odd, really. I remember that I didn’t see Hweesan for like close to one year after secondary school ended or something. But when we met it was like normal, like nothing changed within that period and that she was still she and I was still I. You know what I mean? I hope all of us will be the same in the many years ahead. And even as our lives undergo tremendous changes, we still remain as an arbitary constant. Difficult, but hopeful. Same goes for everyone else. You know sometimes, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world surrounded by people I like and that I should give. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why.

2 more weeks of holidays. Eusoff orientation (damn big fuck), arts oweek (not that I give a fuck, ok, don’t give big fuck, give small fuck), & SCHOOL WILL START OFFICIALLY. Excites (:

Phuket with the volleyball girls :>

threefry — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 14:17:33 +0000

When we were younger, we took trips to sentosa during the holiday seasons. And that in itself made us so happy, and well contented. But I guess that is no longer enough when we grow older. Instead, we take awesome trips and try to travel the world. Mmmm starting with asia first la since we’re all poor university kids with almost zero income.

Kabakeboom, flight booked, hotel booked. And dates were set, haha damn on didn’t think that it will come true but it did. And glad for that because I really miss this bunch of pals. It would have been better if more people were here, miss the rest of them, genuinely. It’s like we used to spend our afterschools together in trainings, damn freaking fun and it was one of the biggest reason why I liked meridian so much.

I still remember how Ms Soh always scold us for aiya, for what I also don’t know. I think she just like to scold people or ummm fulfill the requirement of a coach ah, or haha we just suck la. There was one time, jan and I were talking on court damn happy somemore, then she suddenly ask us to go canteen drag a table and a chair. Then we orh ok, thought is some drill. Haha fuck actually she scolding us, ask us to drag a table and chair to court so we can chit chat. Bitch, but love those times. It wouldn’t have been that enjoyable or epic if it weren’t for her.

Enough or reminising, back to the trip. Boy boy, we were faced with so many difficulties throughout the whole trip. When we arrived at our hotel we kena by the slut face receptionist cos we try cheapo book 4 people but actually got 5. It was really quite bad. The entire staff knew and recognised us and everytime they saw us they asked us to pay. Haha seriously damn drama, thinking of means to escape attention but failing every single time. Joke like a joker.

Then like not enough drama, next day we kena scam by some taxi driver. This phuket ah, like got everything against us five girls. Even those agencies who were in charge of airport wanted to rip us off. So that was one major turn off of the trip. The money grubbing people of phuket. I guess you just shoudn’t have any expectations of anything then at least you won’t be dissapointed. Applies towards everything don’t you think! Hahahah ok ok don’t play cynical card. But all in all in order to truely enjoy yourself, you should have plenty of money to spare!!! But we didn’t since we all poor like a student. Hahaha ok anyway, fun part of the trip next.

We went for dang dang dang fish spa! Hahaha sai, bluff you la fish spa not the exciting one, fish spa only ticklish. We went for WHITE WATER RAFTING!!!!!!!! Fun like a funfair only. Really damn fun haha scream like mad and I have no idea why everyone else just like to splash water on our raft. I think we just too humji? And throughout the whole journey I just kept thinking of how scary the rocks were and if we were to capsize, confirm die. Then drama again, our rower got thrown out the raft by the rough currents and bouncing against other boats, we try to grab on to the branches of the trees, stop against the rocks, but fail. We just floated and floated, omg really damn scared gna die like a wtf.

Okay then this same day we rode on the atv, its like a motor cycle but not like a car but not, the kind to travel through the mud kind. This chio joker cynthia fell off the vehicle and gave us all a fright of our life. And we rode on elephants, like tarzan much? Haha jan was damn tickled the whole journey cos the elephant’s trunk kept tickling her feet and it’s ears kept flapping against her slippers.

All in all good trip, love you girls. Bear hug? Hahaha and serene, promise, won’t bolster hug you next time just make sure we don’t share the same bed. Muacks love is in the air.

Scar? Ouch!

threefry — Sun, 08 May 2011 18:11:10 +0000

I saw that tiny blemish and got reminded of the whole entire thing again. As much as I am completely done, I’ll always remember this. It’s not something that you just simply forget. You put it behind you but occassionally, it lingers.