Here we are, two more weeks of holiday before school officially begins. Happy or sad I also don’t know. So one whole year of university down. Two/three more years to go. It’s damn freaking fast how time pass you by don’t you think? I was excited for school to start again but now I feel scared. I fear that I don’t do well because honestly, I’m not ready for the big big world. I feel like a kid. And some of the things I do make me feel like I’m really a kid. Like I still hate people for no reason at all, like just cos I don’t like their face. This hasn’t changed sinced secondary school, how mature right. You might think hate is too strong a word. Well I think so too, then how? Suck thumb lor.
So I’ve been busying myself with Eusoff orientation. My friends think that it’s so ironic that I’m programming a camp, or that karma bites, whatever and however you wna see it. I just wasn’t that fond of camps and those superficial relations, if you get what I mean. Cynical people will see it that way, and the simple minded would disgree. The nonchalant would just mmmm not give a damn and say fuck it~~~~? But regardless, it was all in all a good experience.
I found many things this holiday. I think the most important one; myself. We sometimes lose track of what we want in life. I’m not saying that I am absolutely certain of what I want out of my life. I mean I still want to open a small cafe someday, I still want to write a novel or some sort someday, but what I realised is that these things change alond the way. Nothing is as fixated as it appears to be because as long as you believe, it will be true. So, change your beliefs. But I shit you not, it’s hard. I never imagined myself to be a social work major. My parents didn’t too. I’m not some noble shit who wants to save the world and cries when a leaf fall. In fact I’m quite the opposite. This is my leap of faith, and for the first time my heart spoke to me. This might sound like bullshit but I’m serious. While my brain went oi wtf you thinking, my heart was like yes go for it. And as cliche as it might sound, I followed my heart. I want to do so many things and this is really what I enjoy. When I read my materials, they speak to me. Maybe this is what numbers mean to a mathematician, or what ionic bonds are to a chemist (ahhh go think of your own egs la) but this is what it is to me. Right now, I feel like I could do this forever. I hope I never eat my words, even if I am ever challenged by whatever shit that will come my way.
Next two summers will be quite morbid, yet exciting. Attachments attachments attachments. That’s why I especially treasure this summer.
I went on two trips, ownself pay so damn freaking broke now. First was to phuket with the volley girls and the second was to hongkong with Rachel and Hweesan. You know we’ve known each other for 8 years and this is the first time we’re going on a trip together. How odd right, I know. I hope that there’s more to come because the company is really really awesome. Apart from the barbaric things we do like chiding the tiongs for jostling and ayeking the kids for being impatient, it really was, I don’t know, I can’t find a word to describe it. It was so easy, I didn’t even have to try. And I’m so glad that I have these close friends by me. Our relationship is odd, really. I remember that I didn’t see Hweesan for like close to one year after secondary school ended or something. But when we met it was like normal, like nothing changed within that period and that she was still she and I was still I. You know what I mean? I hope all of us will be the same in the many years ahead. And even as our lives undergo tremendous changes, we still remain as an arbitary constant. Difficult, but hopeful. Same goes for everyone else. You know sometimes, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world surrounded by people I like and that I should give. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why.
2 more weeks of holidays. Eusoff orientation (damn big fuck), arts oweek (not that I give a fuck, ok, don’t give big fuck, give small fuck), & SCHOOL WILL START OFFICIALLY. Excites (:
